Very Rev. Ihor Kutash kutash@unicorne.org

Saint Maximos the Confessor has written: "Fasting and vigils, prayer and psalmody, acts of charity and hospitality are by nature good, but when performed for the sake of self-esteem they are not good. In everything that we do, God searches out our purpose to see whether we do it for Him or for some other motive".

Do these words trouble us? If they do not, we may be in the spiritual state called insensibility. Stop and think. Ask yourself the question: do I love God? Truly? Consistently? Remember that love is shown to be real by the things we do and say. As well as by the thoughts we permit to occupy our consciousness.

So what do we find? We should not be very surprised to find that we do not really seem to love God. After all we find that our thoughts are much more occupied with other matters: things to do, things to take care of, things to enjoy.

And if we stop to ask: whom do I love? The answers that came to mind are: partners, family, friends, some heroes of the screen or sports. A good test of our affection for God is our habits of prayer and worship. Are we happy and eager to devote substantial quantities of our time to these?

Come, lets admit it. Honesty is crucial for spiritual life. So, let us admit that we do not truly love God very much at all. And the things of which St. Maximos the Confessor speaks? How much do we do of these? And for what purpose? How often these things are offered to God as bargaining chips: see, I’ve done this, now You do this for me. That this is in fact the case may be seen when we get very upset when misfortunes come, or things do not go our way.

Hold it, you may be saying, where is this going? Do you mean to discourage me so I’ll just give up trying to live a life that may be at least a little pleasing to God? Not at all! Why then am I raising these points?

For one thing, to underscore the good ness and faithfulness of God! When we do the things we do and say the things we say – God sees and knows it all! He knows the motives, He knows how fragile we are, how deep is our sleep in illusions. And He continues now and forever to love us completely, totally, unconditionally! He knew how we would be before we ever came to be! And He chose to call us into being! And accepts the weak, half-hearted offerings we give Him as though they were perfect, coming from truly loving, dedicated souls! And floods our lives with blessings that we often do not acknowledge even by a thought, let alone a prayer of thanks.

That is how much He loves us. Let us keep that image of love before us. Let it sink into our hearts, into our consciousness. That love has the power to transform us if we let it work in us! We can become loving, truthful, faithful beings – quite unlike the fearful, crafty, lust-and-greed-driven folk we sometimes recognize ourselves to be.

It takes time. It takes effort. We do not stop fasting, praying, doing good works just because these do not quickly make us holy. We do those things as a bare minimum of what we can give back to God for the immeasurably great things He does for us. We do them humbly, recognizing their weakness. We do them in hope.

Hope does not disappoint us, for we anchor it in God Who is unshakeably dedicated to us, to our true, ultimate welfare, to our attaining the heights of perfection and holiness for which we were created.

Thus that which is not yet good, as Maximos wisely and carefully points out, ultimately becomes good, through our continued effort and God’s immense faithful, longsuffering Love.

And as we strive to love God by the things we do, think and say, we shall find ourselves loving others – and our own selves! – more truly, more profoundly, more patiently. For the true Source of all love and goodnes is – God Himself!