Ukrainian Orthodoxy Orthodoxie ukrainienne

Funeral Practices

Question: 

Recently a friend, who is married to a Russian woman, lost his daughter to cancer. Forty days after her death, he and his mother-in-law were planning a celebratory dinner that he said is a Russian custom to send her on to the next world. He said that when his mother died, he and his wife had a picnic at the cemetary and shared a bottle of wine with his mother (pouring some onto her grave site).

My questions...
What is the basis of this custom?
Is it truly traditional to have this sort of dinner?
What is the most common way to celebrate the 40th day?
Is this a way for mourners to achieve closure and say a final good bye?

The material I have read on the subject suggests that this is the time to pray for the person's soul since it is their day of final judgement. Some material said that to pour a drink onto the gravesite is disrespectful. What is the truth?
Answer:  

Dr. Alexander Roman alex@unicorne.org

The entire Orthodox Christian Church follows the custom of praying intensely for the repose of the soul of one departed for forty days following his or her death.

Special Canons and prayers are said immediately following death and requiem services are held for three days and until the day of the funeral which is ideally on the third day following death to signify the Resurrection of Christ on the third day.

Divine Liturgy is celebrated on the third day, the day of the funeral for the repose of the soul and it is customary to invite those attending to a common agape or luncheon afterwards.

Traditionally, the psalms are read by someone during the sobre mood that should permeate the agape with a picture of the person who has reposed flanked by lit candles.

Psalm 118/119 is especially read since it is a hymn in honour of the Law of God which only Christ perfectly kept. By reading it, we are praying that the person who has died live in Christ Who is our Perfection and justification before God.

Today, the Churches of Ukraine and Russia have forbidden the use of alcoholic beverages for such funeral luncheons - I understand that since the temptation to unseemly drunkenness is so great, the entire tradition of a funeral luncheon was also ordered dropped, even by the Ukrainian Greek-Catholic Church.

Family members dedicate themselves to reading the Psalms and other requiem prayers for the forty days, as much as they can. The name of the reposed is commemorated daily for forty days in Church at the Divine Liturgy.

On the ninth day, a Divine Liturgy is attended by the family and friends in honour of the nine choirs of Holy Angels, the guardians of the soul in its immediate wanderings after death.

The fortieth day, according to the visions of St Macarius of Alexandria on which the Church bases this tradition, is the day when the soul is assigned a place by God Himself until the Second Coming of Christ, either in the forecourt of Heaven or of Hell.

But nothing is permanent until the Second Coming of our Lord and our prayer and the prayer of the Church can help bring the soul closer to God and Christ. This is why we pray for the souls of our reposed family and friends throughout our lives and why the Church prays so assiduously for them as well.

On this day, a special Divine Liturgy is served as on the day of the funeral and the attendants are invited to partake of an agape as well.

Sometimes such an agape will indeed take place at the cemetery and food items will be placed in the ground of the grave itself as if to bring the reposed, who is alive in Christ as we firmly hope, to join us in our meal of gladness and joy that proclaims our faith in eternal life.

This custom is also followed at Easter time when people gather at cemeteries (ie. the Christian name for "gravesite" which simply means "sleeping place") and share a common agape-meal where they will often push a blessed Paschal Egg into the ground of the graves of their loved ones and will even say to them, facing the graves, "Christ is Risen!"

During the three "Holy Suppers" of the Nativity Season, a special place at the table is left empty for the reposed, who we believe join us in spirit at those times, with a candle tied with a black ribbon.

>From the earliest days, Christians also followed, and many Orthodox Christians still do, especially in monasteries, the Apostolic custom of leaving an empty place at their daily supper table for Christ and His Mother by means of a special bread called a "Panaghia" or "All Holy" which is cut cross-wise and shared with wine, calling to mind the Holy Eucharist.

As for pouring wine onto a gravesite, I don't see how that can be disrespectful at all since the wine, like the bread and the egg, has a religious, Eucharistic symbolic meaning.

The attending the gravesite in East Slavic cultures is certainly a carry-over from pre-Christian times,as is the Icon Corner and other traditions that have been given a renewed Christian meaning.

Please see a summary of articles on the subject on this web site.

 

Ukrainian Orthodoxy