Sex and the City:
Faith to faith encounters

As a religion teacher to high school students, I, like many others, have had my wrist slapped figuratively by school principals for raising issues of human sexuality with my charges.  But how could anyone avoid discussion about something that is everywhere in our society?  Could anyone be as naïve as to think that by keeping a "hush-hush" attitude with their children they are somehow "protecting" them from these issues?  Let me say a few things about that . . .

Classes when these matters were discussed always seemed to garner full classroom participation - and attendance.  The children would often take the discussion home with them and speak openly with their parents about them.  They would then come armed with their parents' own comments and views for the next class.

Somehow I felt that the parents were right there in class with us and I really felt that I was accomplishing something here in this regard.  Parents would often contact me to encourage me to continue with this subject matter.

It was clear to me that parents, even modern parents, still prefer not to talk about sex and sexuality issues with their children, if they can at all avoid these topics.

But it would also seem that they wish someone else would take over in their place!

And it is not inappropriate for these topics to be raised in a religion class.  Does anyone remember Bible studies?  Is human sexuality shunned in the Scriptures?

Such deafening silence, on the other hand, gives seeming support for the idea that sex is always something that goes counter to Christianity, that the only position on sex that the Church has is to not have anything to do with it. 

And that perspective is both false and dangerous.  The Church and the people of God are called upon today to give a special witness to a Christian view of sexuality.

That view is not one of suppressing one's natural desires for the sake of it, but one in which disciplined restraint, loving respect for the other, and erotic expression are maintained in a healthy balance.

There is much talk in our community about the needs of the "liberated homeland."

One of those pressing needs is the AIDS epidemic that is sweeping Ukraine and Russia and is resulting in untold tragic deaths that will ultimately make the Chornobyl disaster pale by comparison.

Given the hardships of their daily lives, drink is not the only thing the people there are being driven to.

It is difficult to address this tragedy when misplaced prudery prevents one from even raising the subject in the first place.

To be perfectly frank, our traditional Churches in Ukraine appear to be more consumed with inner squabbling than with positive Christian outreach to the people.  Under those conditions, no wonder the Evangelical missionaries from the West are making inroads among the people!  

And if they can get their new converts off of drugs, drink and dangerous sexual practices through a new found devotion to the Lord Jesus, aren't they doing our work for us?

Increased Church attendance and a dynamic church building campaign are important to be sure.  But the kind of personal evangelism and spreading of the Christian message that our historic missionaries were known for are what is truly needed immediately!

North America has its own problems in this department, to be sure.  

The popular TV series, "Sex and the City" depicts the lives of four single women in New York City whose experiences and reflections on their sexual exploits have become public teachings on sex of "guru" proportions.

And what are the hidden and not so hidden messages of this series?  There are no such thing as sexual perversions, only sexual alternatives.  Sex is about having a good time first and stands at the root of any relationship between people etc.

The few references to religion that are included in the scripts speak of it disparagingly, "religion was created to mess up our sex lives," "New York City has many churches - I just don't remember seeing anyone going into one before" and the like.

If the Church and we as laity don't provide some leadership in this regard, the writers and actors of Sex and the City will fill in the vacuum and they are already.

Christians are always called upon to challenge the mainstream of society.  We are always called to fulfill a prophetic role in this regard.

What are we prophesying against when it comes to sexuality, however?

We must, first and foremost, reveal the lie that modern society somehow has a compassionate agenda with respect to sexuality.

That agenda has much more to do with commercialism and the use of sexuality for profit.

Television shows that push the envelope in terms of breaking sexual mores do so because their writers and producers know that increased viewership is the end result.

Shows like Sex and the City and Ally McBeal as well as others are interested in ratings, and the promotion of specific sexual ideologies, not an exploration of human sexuality in our lives.

Secondly, a Christian sexuality must also witness to a more positive assessment of this important aspect of the human experience.

And, frankly, our theology of sex, if it can be called that, is sorely lacking.  Our experience with sexuality at the religious level tends to be limited to when we go to Confession.

When is sex not a sin, however?  We have a beautiful theology of theosis and we emphasis the role of matter and of the body in a way no other religion does.

The Resurrection Matins of our Church actually compares Christ's rising from the dead to the wedding night of a newly married couple!

And is sex solely what happens between married people in the privacy of their bedrooms?  What do we have to tell young people who are starting to date and establish relationships with members of the opposite gender that is positive, life-affirming and yet spiritual at the same time?  

If our youth are affected by the negative side of sexual advertising and TV shows, is it because they aren't getting the answers they need from the Church, their schools and, most tragic of all, their parents?

I have spoken openly about sexual issues with young people and I know they would like to deal with them and with their own sexual needs in a responsible, loving and healthy way.  

They need the support in this of the Church, their parents and their teachers.  They don't need to be alienated on this topic.  They will get their answers from those who do not care about them, their friends and their lives.

I don't have all the answers to their questions and problems. No one really does.  There is no shame in admitting this.  

But what we do have is the ability to be open to our youth, to listen to them with the kind of respect for their personal autonomy and sense of responsibility for their own lives that they deserve.

Our job is to help them discover the answers for themselves with an informed Christian conscience.

Ultimately, consumer society did not create sexuality, God did.  It is a part of each and every human relationship in varying degrees and forms.  There is no escaping it.  And there is no escaping our responsibility to our youth in a meaningful and loving one on one, "faith to faith" encounter.

Dr. Alexander Roman  alex@unicorne.org