A Grief Reserved: Christians in Mourning

It has often been said that funerals are for the living, not the dead.  They are formalized rites in which the human experiences of grief and mourning are felt and played out.  

As I will be attending my uncle's funeral tomorrow, the experience of grief is something that I am acutely feeling at this very moment.  That current sense of loss and inner pain prompts these reflections on the role of mourning in our lives.

The actual word for graveyard "cemetery" comes from the Latin that means "sleeping place."

It was the early Christians who named the resting places for their martyrs and loved ones so.  Christians were often derided by the pagan Romans for using the term "cemetery." This word was deliberately chosen by them to indicate that death did not have the final word . . .

Under the Old Testament, Israel was instructed to beware of the uncleanness of everything associated with the dead.  This reflected the theology of Original Sin where matter was "cursed" and to be avoided as a result of Adam's Fall.

In the New Testament, God becomes Man in Jesus Christ and by His death and resurrection, destroys the chasm between God and Man, Spirit and Matter.  In becoming one with our nature, Christ transfigures it.  Salvation is now to be had through the "Man Jesus Christ" and is now mediated through matter.  

Christianity is a religion of mediation through the Incarnation of God in Jesus Christ.  The audible voice bearing His Words bring us the message of salvation.  The miracles of His Touch, His Spittle, His Commands - all these mediate Divine Power, along with the Cross, the spear, the sponge and reed, the whip, the nails, Crown of Thorns and the Tomb.

Those who are grafted onto the Vine Who is Christ share in His power as well.  Christ lives in His Church and Members through His Holy Spirit.  He continues to preach and to perform miracles with their hands, their voices and their touch.  As we already see in the Acts of the Apostles, even material objects or relics touched to the Apostles are imbued with the Divine Energy of the Incarnate God.

We are saved, it is always worth repeating, as whole persons, with our bodies, souls and spirits.  Our complete salvation will occur at the Second Coming of Christ when we will stand as the composite entities we are before the Throne of Almighty God.  

Our salvation is based, of course, on our response to Christ's Salvation.  That response is one of faith and works.  The two are a unity.  One without the other is dead.  Both are possible as a result of the Grace of Christ.   Neither faith nor works are "ours."  They are both God's Gift taken together.  "Faith working through love" is the measure of all things for the Christian.  Christ Himself told us that if we love Him, we will do His commandments.  For Christ, then, the works of love and obedience are the only standard by which our faith will be measured.

As St Seraphim of Sarov said, the aim of the Christian life is the acquisition of the Holy Spirit.

Prayer, the reception of the Holy Mysteries, fasting, good works, reading of Scripture - these are the means of acquiring the Holy Spirit. 

Like the Wise Virgins, we are called to fill the lamps of our souls to the brim with the Holy Oil of Divine Mercy as a prerequisite to being called to participate in the feast of the Bridegroom.

Pascha services and morning offices are conducted at night in the Orthodox Church for a very important and mystical reason.

Christ comes to us "as a thief in the night," that is, when we will least expect him.

We will have this experience twice in our existence (which is eternal).

The first time will be when we experience our own personal repose.  Who may predict exactly when one will leave this Earth?  

My father so looked forward to his retirement at the age of 65.  He died at the age of 66.  Not a long retirement at all!  And he died the same year his own father died.  His father was, however, 92 years of age.  The best laid plans . . . 

The uncle who will be buried shortly suffered from heart disease for over twelve years of his life.  Unlike my other relatives, he accepted the ultimate finality of death with great serenity.

Unlike others I have known, Uncle George welcomed the numerous visits of Priests (and one Bishop) to him for the purpose of Anointing.  

The Eastern Church has no ritual of "last rites."  The Anointing of the Sick is just that.  It is meant to ask God to restore a Christian's health, if it be His Will, in the first instance.  

Uncle George received that Anointing many times in the last twelve years.  Each time, he was raised from his sickbed as a result, that is, until last Sunday.  It became so that whenever he had heart pains, he first called the Priest, ahead of the doctor!

Uncle George had a home chapel where he spent hours in prayer.  At the first Panakhyda or Memorial Service last night, the Priest who was his Confessor, told us just how much he prayed.  Father said he continued praying well after midnight.  The Priest himself could not keep up with him!

Prayer is necessary to our Christian life.  It IS our life.  In addition to our own prayer, it is always good to be associated with others who really make a "business" of their prayer life.

When Christ asked His sleeping disciples in the Garden why they couldn't watch even one hour with Him, He was teaching us about the amount of time all of us should be committing to prayer.  Grace before meals and other quick prayers at nighttime really "don't do it."

As one Protestant Pastor friend told me, kneeling by our bedside and putting our face into our hands is a great way  . . . to fall asleep!

We are all one in Christ.  Death can no longer separate us from one another.  In addition to praying for one's relatives and friends who have reposed in Christ, we may also ask them for their prayers.  God reveals this to those we invoke.  This, too, is part of the mediation made possible through the Incarnation of God in Christ.  

One may argue that the Saints and those in Heaven are already praying for us.  Why do we need to remind them?  

The fact is that not only are the Saints already praying for us, God Himself already knows what we need before we ask Him.  That does not, and cannot, prevent us from praying.

An excellent illustration is the Lord's Prayer itself.

Why do we say, for example, "Hallowed be Thy Name," when God's Name is already so Sacred?  What can we poor things do to make it more Holy?

The answer is, of course, nothing.  This petition is a request that God's Grace may make His Name hallowed in our hearts and lives.  The same is true for "Thy Kingdom Come" and "Thy Will be done."  The phrase that isn't there, but goes without saying, is "In our hearts and lives by Thy Grace."

And where is this Grace to be found?  In the Bread which is Jesus Christ, prayer in His Name, His Word, and His Body in Holy Communion.  It is this Bread that we ask God to "give us this day."

My relationship with my uncle and others is an important part of my Christian life.  Christ tells me it is a large part of the basis of what will happen to me at His Second Coming.  

Those relationships continue after death as well.  Mourning is an important part of our lives.  But it is essentially a selfish thing, a knee-jerk reaction that needs to be slowly worked out through a greater awareness of the implications of our faith regarding the afterlife.

Death is not the last word.  The coffin that will be laid into the ground tomorrow is a temporary arrangement.  It is sealed, as the Priest will say, "until the Second Coming of Christ."    This is when He will make all things new.  'Uncle George, see you then!'

Dr. Alexander Roman  alex@unicorne.org