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As someone who had seriously thought about becoming a
Priest in my high school and university years, I wanted to share with you
my views on this important subject.
First of all, the question of weeping during prayer
is a definite indication of deepened communion with God. Prayer with tears
has been practiced by Orthodox monks and saints throughout the centuries.
St. Paisius Velichkovsky, for example, is almost always depicted in his
Icons with tears flowing down his cheeks. Once during his celebration of
the Divine Liturgy, he had a vision of Christ and had to be actually
pulled away from the altar with ropes. He then stood, motionless, in a
corner, weeping for five hours. Whenever he prayed to the point of tears,
that was when miracles occurred through his intercession.People of prayer
who use the Jesus prayer and others in a heart-felt manner often feel
compunction for their sins, or they may feel deep compassion for the
suffering of others, or else they may experience amazement at the
Loving-kindness of God in salvation history and Christ's sufferings for us
on the Cross. All these experiences lead one into the state of tears and
the Eastern Church Fathers have always encouraged it.
You should thank God for giving you this gift always.
The calling to the Priesthood and how we recognize it is always a somewhat
difficult matter. In the more rational Roman Catholic West, there have
been quite fantastic (and spiritually unhealthy) theories about how a
priestly vocation can be determined.
One author in the seventeenth century that I came
across actually believed that one must have a kind of spiritual
"murmur" just above the heart to be secure in the knowledge that
he is called to the Priesthood . . .
We must remember that, as Christians, we are already
members of Christ's Royal Priesthood as we are Members of the Body of our
High Priest, Jesus Christ. We are called to live as Priests in fulfilling
our Christian vocation in faith, hope and love. We offer the Holy
Sacrifice of the Divine Liturgy (Let US stand etc. as the Priest sings),
we have an obligation, as St. Petro Mohyla reminds us in his nine precepts
of the Church, to pray for everyone and to ask for God's blessing on all
creation etc. The ministerial Priesthood exists to help us fulfill our
vocation as members of the Royal Priesthood. The Church is a society of
priests who live in Christ.
To want to become a ministerial Priest is to want to
serve Christ and His Church in this way. The simple desire to do so is
something which is itself planted in our hearts by God. God doesn't force
us to do anything, however. Yes, the life of an Orthodox Priest seems
rigorous. That's what I thought until I got a job in the secular
workforce. Rigor is not confined to the Priesthood - all of life is like
that in different ways. I now find myself returning to a more disciplined
prayer life, the Horologion etc. because leaving our spiritual development
to our whims is counterproductive. The Priest prays the Office and offers
the Divine Liturgy not on his own behalf alone, but, first and foremost,
for the entire Church. Also, the Priesthood is what you yourself make of
it, your style of ministry and the people who would be blessed to have a
deeply spiritual individual, like yourself, as their pastor and guide. We
all rely on God's Grace, which is the Holy Spirit. If you want to become a
Priest, you should investigate it, perhaps even spend some time in a
seminary. But remember that you must come to rely even more on the
strength and power of the Holy Spirit and you must continue to deepen your
close relationship with Christ, the True Vine. It is God who calls us to
ministry in the Priesthood and in other ministries to build up the Body of
Christ which is the Church. The best way to strengthen ourselves to
respond adequately to God's call is to cling in spirit to the Jesus
Prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a
sinner!"
Dr. Alexander Roman
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