Pre-marital Sex

Question: 

I am a practicing Ukrainian Orthodox, recently through school I met a friend who is Greek Orthodox but who has had sex already. We have ventured into the topics of religion and sex many times, I feel that I would really
like to convince him and return him back to the way of the Church. Moreover, I would  like to find this information for myself. I have searched on line and in  books  for the answerers that might help him and me understand.

One area that I looked in is the book of Leviticus, in the section on  "sexual  relations", I have found that this part of the Old Testament covers everything  from homosexuality, adultery, and incest, however, not one word is mentioned  concerning pre-marital sex (or maybe I'm not seeing it).

I also looked into the 10 Commandments and the closest thing to the answer  that  I am seeking is Commandment #7, but it concerns adultery. Unless  the word  "adultery" means something else in Hebrew then what it means now  then the commandment does not forbid sex before marriage if both people are unmarried.  I have talked to priests and done on line searches and the best answer that I  have gotten is "the Church teaches so", but I still don't know where.

My question is "Where does the Holy Bible say that we humans should  abstain from  sex until we are married???"

Very Rev. Ihor Kutash kutash@unicorne.org 

Pre-marital sex - and all sex outside the bounds of matrimony, which  is the ideal as I mentioned in my article on Ukrainian-Orthodoxy  http://www.unicorne.org/orthodoxy/articles/answers/premarital.htm  falls under the realm of fornication.

 Fornication is disparaged in many places in the Bible. St. Paul in  particular says: "Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the  Kingdom of God? Be not deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters,  nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with  mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall  inherit the Kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11). And: "Flee  fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he  that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18).

 Paul even proposes that, although in view of the persecutions and hardships  Christians of his day faced it would have been more expedient for them  to remain single (a departure from his own Jewish heritage which held  that a man is not truly complete until he marries and has children): "Nevertheless,  to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and every woman  have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:2). It is obvious that the  sexual sin he  speaks of here is extra-marital - certainly pre-marital sexual   relations would be included. (I would certainly not agree that this  is the best argument for entering into marriage, however.)

There are some that say that the term "fornication" does not include  pre-marital sex because it is not explicitly specified. But the  argument from silence cuts both ways. It can also be - and I am  certain that here this *is* the case - that what is not specified is  simply to be understood.   That is certainly in keeping with the evidence from the Hebraic  culture in which St. Paul was writing and working, in which it was  even traditional to  provide evidence that the bride had been a virgin prior to the nuptial   night.

It is clear that the Bible and the Church call for sexual purity  outside of  marriage - even in marriage it is possible for sexual relations and  relations in general to be less than ideal, as for example, when the  partners are focussed on their own selves rather than the needs of the  other. You might read 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 in this regard.

In short there is no easy fool-proof way to be perfect as our Heavenly  Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48). Everyone falls short. But, as I  said in  my article, we ought always to be aiming at perfection and repenting  of that  which is not perfect. There are good and pleasant things in virtually  all sex (I would certainly not include coercive sex which is simply violence).  There is pleasure; there is a sense of well-being; there is a sense of  connectedness. One could go on and on. These things are not bad. The  problem is that unless these feelings are part of an on-going process  of binding and linking with the being that is being "known" sexually, conflicts  arise between body and spirit that ultimately lead to great pain and   tragedy. God, being the Creator of this wonderful human activity of  sexuality, is not warning us not to indulge outside of marriage just because  He wants to spoil our fun. He is describing what it takes to use the  gift as it was intended to be used.

He still brings good out of bad, but we do not do that which is not   good just because we believe that there will ultimately be good  results. It strikes me that I've written more than you've asked but I  hope it will be useful. And may God bless us fellow-strugglers - for  we are all on the path  together - on the way to His eternal Kingdom.

Ukrainian Orthodoxy